Journal Entry: Wed Oct 1, 2014, 12:31 AM
WELP stuff is getting a little difficult.. I seem to not be doing so well! ;; Beforehand I managed my sleeping very well and was at least peaceful, despite fatigue, but lately I've been chronically sleeping and feeling weak and just... a mess. Lol. The past couple of days I think I've only worked on drawings a max... two hours a day? I would keep giving up to go nap and hope I feel better. But instead I wake up with a headache. Now I've earned myself whacky sleeping hours and bags under my eyes. I'm supposed to be working hard, dangit!
To be honest I think stress has something to play here... last time I got my shot, my doctor warned me about breaking out, which I didn't really have an issue with. But this past couple of weeks, my face is a mess, and it's definitely not my shot's fault. I think stress literally makes it 100x worse.
Today was my sister's birthday.. and lemme say the day was pretty lousy. For me. I know my sis had a good day though, and I'm glad, but I also feel bad. I only saw her very shortly throughout the day, for dinner and then her cake and that was it. Didn't even get a chance to tell her 'happy birthday'.. I spent almost the entire day sleeping. Been having some trouble with my boyfrando and stress on money, since I had to put commissions on hold to finish last minute prints for youmacon (which is in less than a month now sldjflskjflja) I am not earning money, which makes me nervous!!;; I still owe money to things AND need to order prints so I'm panicking a little. Apparently a little too much, because last night I couldn't sleep, which earned me EXTRA sleeping today on my sister's birthday. Then (if you have read my twitter, you would know my youngest sister is kind of an ass :C ) my sister decided to be excuse my language a giant unnecessary bitch, so I went downstairs for the rest of the night and slept. Again. I didn't want to be awake.
If you care really, I am probably... absolutely through with speaking to my sister anymore (the youngest one). She kind of has always been a mean little girl, never listens and does what she wants, but I thought she would change as she aged and I put a lot of effort into trying to raise her into a decent member of society, since my parents are busy and pay little attention to her. Child has never been grounded. Ever. lol. I remember getting into trouble sometime when school was, got in trouble and being told I was grounded until christmas... and my birthday is December 5th, lol. My parents were HARSH on me, middle ground with my middle sister (the one with the birthday) and nonexistent with the youngest. I have felt horrible, like I'm responsible, but I've learned at this point she is just NOT going to change. I feel bad because she is the type of person that if I knew them at school, I'd ignore them and move on happily with my life. But it's kinda hard to ignore someone you live with and is your own flesh and blood. But.. I've reached my snapping point. I've tried everything under the moon with her, I've been understanding and compassionate, but I am sick and tired of this disrespectful little shit thinking she can just push me around however she wants. Nope. I'm done. I'm done dedicating myself to someone who is only going to abuse me. And yes, she's young, she still has time to grow, but I'm not okay with how she is. She is just NOT changing. And it doesn't help that all she does is sit on the computer and talk on skype all day with other little shits from all over the world. Ya kno, little 14 year old turdlets who live on their games and think they are the hottest shit on the planet and that the only way to communicate with other human beings is to insult them. Yup.
Rn I'm just give up mode with her. That little demon has made me cry/almost made me cry an obnoxious amount of times, and I'm not one to cry easy.. like... that's how freakin hurtful this girl is. She keeps saying "Wahhh you guys hate me" to which I'm always like "?? No? Why would you think that" to which she responds to with something like "You and -middle sister- get along so well but not with me" and I just think... that's because we TRY to get along with you but all you want to do is fight and be an ass. LITERALLY lately I cannot even eat dinner with everyone anymore because she always takes offense to everything and talks to everyone in a shitty little tone, roles her eyes, and makes a huge bitch out of herself for no reason??? What I don't get is how she speaks to my PARENTS that way, and I know everyone is sick of hearing "blabla when I was HER age, i got my ass beat", but I find it funny mom and dad would have literally knocked me out of my chair onto the FLOOR if I ever spoke that way, and mom and dad seem to act like they still would, but my sister has never, ever been punished. The spoilt brat has a computer, (AND a laptop I believe? She broke 2 lol.), a tablet, a phone, a 3DS, (which is more than everyone else in the house) and she sure as hell does nothing to deserve it. Kid never cleans, Kid doesnt even know what cleaning IS, her items are never taken away from her from being a rude ass, and I'm just.... ?????????
It's sad to watch your sibling grow to be a steaming pile of shit and you can't do anything about it. I'm no therapist, certainly. And sorry guys, sorry for ranting, sorry for bad language and insults. I think that there are generally bad people in the world sometimes, but like... idk. I've been in denial that my sister could be like that. Impossible. You know? I grew up goody-goody-two-shoes (not even the kind that tattles... like I was all about pleasing EVERY BODY) and my other sister was kinda bratty but she wasn't a complete and utter jerk every waking moment of the day. Like, the middle sis would do the most EVIL things as a kid but they are stuff we can laugh off now, because we were only 7 years old or younger. Nowadays, youngest sis is just... what else is there to call her? I don't mean to INSULT her but the other word I can think of is Bitchy? Rude? Mean? Like legitimately she came up to us whining about school problems when we realized our little sister WAS the bully.. to everyone else. Apparently everyone hates her, but she earned that herself? Every time we tried telling her, no matter the nicest way possible like "you need to be nicer to people, you need to chill out" she never listens.. and has the same problems.
Either way, I'm absolutely freakin' done responding to her rudeness. Whenever she speaks to me, she is not getting an answer until she can approach me with respect. Until then, she can stop talking to me because I don't want to hear it. I RARELY want to physically harm people.. but I seriously want to pop this girl in the mouth, despite it not doing any good. On my last leg here and i just don't know.